


At Ease

by arby



Series: My Big Gay Space Opera [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, First Time, Humor, M/M, S&M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-08-30
Updated: 2009-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-05 06:28:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arby/pseuds/arby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sheppard becomes intrigued by new arrival Ronon, and McKay's jealousy leads him to plot revenge. Meanwhile, unlike Sheppard, Ronon has no problems with authority if delivered the right way. Takes place between "Runner" and "Trinity".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I took a slight liberty with one event in "Runner" - that when they show Ronon his fucked-up homeworld, Carson &amp; Rodney were there too.

John's first impression of the new guy was surprisingly favorable, given he'd held Teyla and John hostage for a few hours before Beckett showed up to remove the chip. Maybe it was Stockholm syndrome or something, but Dex was obviously extremely strong, self-sufficient and adaptable, and able to belay his natural suspicion of strangers to deal with them humanely. The guy had a point when asked to have faith in the two of them - he didn't kill them both outright, and he trusted that they would help him to remove his Wraith chip (without anaesthetic - John cringed again in revulsion thinking about it) if he helped them find Ford. And he had been true to his word. Plus, a military guy. John gave him points for that.

Watching him witness the ruins of his homeworld through the MALP transmission, all cleaned up now, like an enormous lion with his masses of dreadlocked hair and iridescent eyes flecked with yellow, trying not to show any emotion but the pain nonetheless coming through, something turned over deep inside of John like a person tossing in their sleep.

He looked over at the others. Carson wore his perpetually worried expression, though nothing was wrong at the moment. Weir was pensive and a little apprehensive, her arms crossed and tension in her stance. McKay looked back at him, eyes glittering in that feverish way they did, and his mouth was quirked, but what emotion was causing it, John couldn't tell. He made some feeble excuse and hurried out of there.

_Maybe he's jealous._ Please. He scoffed at his internal voice. It wasn't like that between him and Rodney. Hard to explain what it was like, maybe, but it certainly wasn't the kind of thing that anyone had a right to be _jealous_ about.

_That didn't stop him from being jealous of Chaya._ True. But there wasn't **anything**, no one could say that he, John Sheppard, had ever led Rodney on or intimated in any way that he would be the slightest bit. . . amenable . . . to any kind of amorous advance from Rodney McKay. The fact that he very much was (amenable) really had nothing to do with it. A few glances, maybe, that went on too long, lots of smart remarks (but everyone makes those!) maybe, but nothing that could remotely be construed as _flirting_.

But he remembered the very vocal expressions of outrage and passive-aggressive sulking done by a green-eyed McKay during the whole Chaya incident and rolled his eyes. The truth was, he hadn't made a move on McKay (_or let Rodney make a move on me, for that matter_) not because he wasn't attracted to the man but because he'd seen how Rodney acted when something he liked got taken away from him - whether it was a candy bar or a ZPM - and he didn't think either of them could deal with the neurotic freak-out that would occur when they inevitably broke up.

One thing it was **not**, however, was homophobia, internalized or otherwise - at least not on Sheppard's part. He had come to terms with his sexuality a while ago, when he was struggling with the ethics of "don't ask, don't tell" - in ROTC, to be precise. And what it boiled down to for him was that his being . . .more or less bisexual was no one else's business, so he didn't make it anyone's business by being indiscreet in any way. On Atlantis he might as well have been completely queer anyhow, for all it came out to, at least as far as his attraction to the women of this city went. He knew Elizabeth liked him in some way - he felt guilty sometimes because he just didn't reciprocate it in the slightest. And Teyla - she was a good warrior, a good teammate, and sometimes during sparring practice he found himself getting idly turned on by her lean, taut body and lithe, powerful grace, but it wouldn't go farther than that.

No, for John there had only really been one man on the base. And even Chaya - though he liked her a lot and thought she was real pretty - hadn't affected him as much in three days of constant contact (and 10 minutes of alien sex, with the white light and the spirit-merging and whatnot) - as McKay had in the first 10 minutes he met him. _God, he was so annoying_. Constantly whining, never stopped talking for a minute, his hair all mussed up and lips all pouty, and somewhere in the middle of an interminable monologue about the idiocy of his coworkers and the many indignities that had been visited upon his person over the past few hours - Shep was certain that he had never before met someone he wanted to shut up in such extremely naughty ways before.

But that was just sex. They were both stuck here for God knows how long, and had to work together, sometimes quite closely, and when the sex was over (as it inevitably would be), they would still have to work together, and given how neurotic and issue-ridden the man already _was_, surely the thought of a bitter, post-relationship Rodney was enough to deter any sane man.

But back to the new guy. Dex, it was. Ronon Dex. As soon as was decently possible, Shep got him in the training room to see what he could do. Turned out the answer was "a lot". He could beat all of Shep's men with his hands tied behind his back. Watching him fling them around like toys made Shep weak in the knees. He had to lean against a conveniently-placed plastic dummy while observing the matches so he wouldn't fall down out of sheer lust. And then Dex looked at him, in that not-quite amused, enigmatically brusque way he had, and said something about fighting _him_. John had quickly ended the practice before he could say yes despite his better instincts.

The problem was, the kid was an excellent fighter, a total asset to the team, and had the making of a good soldier, even, if he could tame that unpredictable temper of his. Again, completely off-limits, as far as the separation of church and state were concerned. And who knew if they even _had_ gay guys where he came from? This guy could snap John in half like a twig. Definitely a bad idea. So why did he keep thinking about it?


	2. Chapter 2

McKay was _furious_. Well, more so than usual - he could admit that he was a bit irritable sometimes (_not without cause, of course_ \- if you counted low blood sugar as a cause) - but this time he had an even better reason than usual for his fury. The Major (_sorry, the Lt. Colonel_) had brought home that overgrown puppy, and he was planning to _keep_ it. How dare he? He couldn't go around adding members to the team all willy-nilly like that, who knew what was wrong with this guy, he could be a psychopath for all Sheppard knew. He had contributed significantly to Rodney's ending up hanging by his ankle _(and quite painfully, as a matter of fact_), upside down and completely vulnerable to Ford's Wraith-juiced derangement.

And since this Dex creature was practically superhumanly strong (_and good with weapons, don't forget_) to boot (_the brute, man-ape_), Rodney didn't particularly like to contemplate risking his life on a mission with _him_ at his back. And as if that wasn't bad enough, Sheppard was obviously totally smitten with him, too. _Adding to insult to injury, that is_. He could see the googly eyes and it was quite hurtful, as a matter of fact. So did the Major not mean all those long, significant _looks_ that had been passed between them, or the snappy jokes that seemed to have more than a little innuendo behind them? This was not how it was supposed to work, damn it! What was _supposed_ to happen was that he and John would get drunk one night and someone would make the first move (in the fantasy he purposely left that part vague, so he could pretend that the someone might be John) and they would have _(lots of really hot)_ sex and then. . .it didn't really matter what happened after that. Plus, he never got that far in his fantasy. But now everything was _ruined_.

He sighed loudly. Zelenka looked over at him from where he was sitting, running one of his innumerable simulations, and Rodney could _see_ the man pondering if it was worth it to ask him what was wrong. He bit down on the pencil he had been gnawing with a savage suddenness that caused it to crack loudly, sending splinters everywhere, including into the inside of his cheeks. _Ow! Goddamn it. Am I really that much of an ogre?_ A glance around the lab confirmed what he already knew... yes, he was. The few remaining lab rats (human, that is) that were around at this late hour had jumped out of their skins at the sound, exchanged furtive glances but said nothing. Only Radek dared to make the query.

"What is it?" Almost gently, but firm.

"Oh... nothing," Rodney heaved another giant, melodramatic sigh. "Something - an experiment - isn't going the way I planned."

"What, the results are not as expected?"

"You could say that. Yes. Not my fault of course."

"Of course." Hint of a smile. "Unexpected variables?"

"Exactly! I hadn't counted on these... outside forces interfering with my perfectly well thought-out experiment."

"So, why can't you just reconfigure the parameters to take these variables into account? It seems simple enough."

"Easy for you to say."

Rodney lapsed into a thoughtful silence, thankful that Zelenka wasn't asking for details. Maybe he guessed.. no, he was innocently returning to his beloved simulation. _If only I could run a Sheppard simulation._ That was foolish, how? It wasn't like Atlantis had a holodeck.

_Hm_. His brain was torn between conflicting solutions - one was to build a holodeck (how hard could it be?) and the other was to try to come up with some kind of _social_ simulation involving himself and one newly minted Lt. Colonel.

  


* * * * *

  
One mission with Dex later, and Sheppard was still almost totally at a loss. On the one hand, he'd been great in the fights, pulling arrows out of his own leg (_ew_), yada yada yada, eating mystery prisoner stews (what was up with _that_?) - but on the other hand, he seemed to have a serious problem with authority. _And I know from problems with authority._ Or rather, Sheppard's lack thereof.

_I'm a laid-back kind of guy. I don't like to boss people around. I prefer to nudge them, nag them, sometimes insult them (McKay) into doing what I want them to do. This guy wants me to lay down the law._

Hm. Sounds like exactly the kind of soldier this Caldwell jerk wants.

The thought stopped him dead in his tracks. Suddenly all he could picture was Dex down on his knees as Caldwell ordered him to unzip his fly. God help him, the thought was incredibly arousing.


	3. Chapter 3

Rodney sat in the cafeteria, lost in thought about how to run a simulation on Sheppard. There was the old standby, the fifth grade method of asking a mutual friend to discreetly (_yeah, right!_) broach the subject. But that always backfired, plus, who would he get to do the deed? Normally he would have turned to his trusty old pal Carson, however after that incident with Cadman and the laying of a big old kiss on him, McKay had avoided the doctor like the plague. Yes, Beckett knew it wasn't Rodney who had kissed him - still, it was awkward.

Speaking of Cadman... they were kind of almost friendly now, as much as McKay could even _be_ friends with a woman, considering that he didn't understand them in the slightest - and didn't particularly care to, either. _She_ would jump at the chance to play matchmaker with him and Sheppard. But could she be trusted to be anything other than heavy-handed about it? Definitely not after the way she had handled the Katie Brown Affair.

"Rodney?"

_Speak of the Devil._ Not that she was the Devil or anything - it was just an expression. _God, say something!_ He was irresistibly reminded of Cadman when he thought that - he almost heard her voice saying it.

"Uh, Katie - hi."

_Real smooth, McKay. (Shut up, internalized Cadman!)_

Katie smiled in that half-pained (and sort of half-brained) way she had. For a pretty girl (drop-dead _gorgeous_, for a scientist) she certainly didn't seem to have much self-esteem, which is probably why Rodney had picked her. She was too much of a doormat to resist being made his beard.

"So... last week when you were... not yourself," she started hesitantly, looking somewhat apprehensive.

God, this was awkward. _Curse that Cadman!_ God only **knows** what she'd said about him at their infernal Women’s Poker Night after she escaped from the roomy quarters of his brain.

“Yeah, um, I don't know what Cadman told you about that, but I'm... I'm not really sure our 'date' was such a good idea."

“With Carson and Cadman there..." she trailed off, looking confused, yet hopeful.

"No, actually, I meant in general. Look, you really are very nice and quite attractive but I don't think it's going to work out. Between us, I mean."

Beat.

For someone who had to have the modicum of intelligence necessary to become a scientist (even a botanist), Katie seemed a little slow on the uptake. She was gaping at him like a fish.

"Look, it's not me, it's you - I mean, it's not you, it's me - or however that goes. Best of luck to you, no hard feelings and all that - I gotta go." And with that he picked up his tray and scurried off to dispose of the remains of his midnight snack.

Rodney had always felt compelled to try to date girls to prove that he could get girls to date him, but honestly, he'd never really been all that attracted to them. OK, so there was the little fixation on Sam Carter, who, while technically a female, a) had a man's nickname, b) had very short hair and c) was a huge math geek, therefore she didn't really count. It was bad enough to be several orders of magnitude more intelligent than 98% of your classmates, but to be _gay_ on top of it - that was pushing the envelope of ostracism further than Rodney had been able to go. It would have been one thing to be one of those out and proud, here and queer theatre majors who wore all black and talked mostly with their hands, but among the Astrophysics Club and D&amp;D-playing set, the one 'normal' thing they could cling to was the sad camaraderie of hopeless lusting after and pedestal-placing-on of the most unattainable girls possible. This very conveniently put them so far out of reach that he very rarely had to actually have _sex_ with them. He had stubbornly clung to his defiantly closeted stance because he didn't think he had a chance with the (equally unattainable) men he secretly lusted after. Until now. When he'd been talking to Katie he suddenly remembered (vividly pictured, in fact) the expression on Sheppard's face when Cadman made him kiss Carson - an outward show of squeamish distaste coupled with a strong undercurrent of total jealousy. Rodney had his simulation - more PDA with another man. It would wreak havoc with his carefully constructed sexual persona, but then again, hadn't his blatant macking on Beckett already done that? And for once in his life, Rodney didn't care what anyone else thought - he was going to get John Sheppard in his bed or know the reason why.

* * * * *

  
John was idly walking by the training room when he happened to catch a glimpse of Ronon Dex beating the crap out of someone, as usual without breaking a sweat. Despite himself he stopped to admire the sight. Jesus Christ, the boy was built like some kind of classically proportioned and equally absurdly oversized statue - he looked like the model for the David might after having lived in the woods for a few years. (_Seven_, his brain reminded him automatically.)

Suddenly his com crackled to life. "Sheppard." came a familiar (and usually most unwelcome) voice. _Caldwell_. Sheppard narrowed his eyes at nothing in particular to express his fervent dislike of the man. Then the fact that John had Ronon in front of him and Caldwell on the line at the same time made him blush with secret voyeuristic glee.

"Yeah, what is it?"

"I need to talk to you. What's your location?"

Seizing the opportunity, he leapt to respond, "Training room... Sir," leaving an extremely long pause before the honorific in order to irritate the Colonel as much as possible. He glanced over at Dex, who had paused in his abuse of Sheppard's trainees and was shamelessly eavesdropping.

"I'll be right down."

"Suit yourself," he couldn't resist snarking back.

Ronon looked at him with more than a little disdain. Somehow it only made him hotter.

"That your superior?" he rumbled.

"Yep. Between you and me, I'm not really all that fond of him. He's kind of a hardass." _In more ways than one. _

Dex made a dismissive face as if to say _irrelevant_. John just smirked at him in return. _Just you wait and see, kid._ He realized there were still a few trainees lurking furtively in the room - he caught their eyes and jerked his head at them to get out of there. Two of them exchanged knowing glances and had to stifle their giggles as they exited the training salle in a leisurely manner.

Caldwell came sashaying in. Seriously, did anyone ever notice that the man walked like a two-bit hooker? It was ridiculous - but hot. He did have a very nice ass, and his pants were just a little too tight in the rear to be coincidence.

He realized Caldwell was glaring at him. Sheppard wrenched his gaze away from the man's hindquarters and gave him an insolent stare. Ronon watched in outright fascination, eyes flicking between the two of them like a spectator at an invisible tennis match.

"Well, what did you want me for... Colonel?"

Caldwell glanced over at Dex and frowned.

"I'll be more than happy to discuss it with you in private. _Lt._ Colonel."

_Perfect._

“Ronon, would you excuse us for a moment?"

Dex nodded, looking intensely disappointed. Then his eyes took on a sly look and he said gruffly “I’ll be in here,” indicating a small side practice room with a jerk of his thumb, “working on my stick technique. Sir.”

The boy caught on fast. He saw Caldwell raise an eyebrow out of the corner of his eye. John smirked to himself. Dex’s “stick technique” (heh) was flawless and they both knew it. Ronon just wanted to be there when Caldwell got through with John.

Caldwell said, “Dismissed” completely gratuitously to Dex’s retreating back, then turned back to Sheppard.

“I want to know what you could have possibly been thinking to attempt to add a new member to your team without consulting me.”

As so often occurred when he was being reamed out (heh) by Caldwell, Sheppard was torn between conflicting urges – to laugh in the Colonel’s face, or stick his tongue down the man’s throat. He decided to throw him a curve ball.

“Did anyone ever tell you that you’re sort of sexy when you’re angry?”

“What? No – and that’s completely outside the point.” _Hm, points for not losing much composure._

“Look, Weir approved it, and last I heard you were not the boss of me.”

“How mature of you. This is a military decision, and I have final jurisdiction over military matters on this base.”

“Uh-huh, whatever. Dex actually is miltary, you know.”

“Alien military, you mean.”

“He held the rank of a specialist, whatever that means. He’s a really good fighter, and he takes orders well.”

“Given your own complete lack of the last ability, I highly doubt your competence to judge in that arena.”

“I would expect no less of you, sir – why don’t you spend a little time with the guy and see just how he fits in with your... chain of command.”

“Maybe I will.”

“Okay, then. You let me know if he gets your approval. I won’t take him on any more missions until I hear from you.”

Caldwell gave him a suspicious look. Clearly this sudden compliance on Sheppard’s part made him suspect some kind of nefarious plot. John smirked at him just to put the man at ease.

“Smell you later, “ he fired off as a parting shot. Okay, so that was a little third-grade of him. Caldwell rolled his eyes and glared at him over his shoulder as he went into Dex’s training room. John was extremely temped to listen outside the door, but considering how bizarre it would look if he were to get caught, decided against it. He went off whistling happily to himself.   


_Perfect._

“Ronon, would you excuse us for a moment?"

Dex nodded, looking intensely disappointed. Then his eyes took on a sly look and he said gruffly “I’ll be in here,” indicating a small side practice room with a jerk of his thumb, “working on my stick technique. Sir.”

The boy caught on fast. He saw Caldwell raise an eyebrow out of the corner of his eye. John smirked to himself. Dex’s “stick technique” (heh) was flawless and they both knew it. Ronon just wanted to be there when Caldwell got through with John.

Caldwell said, “Dismissed” completely gratuitously to Dex’s retreating back, then turned back to Sheppard.

“I want to know what you could have possibly been thinking to attempt to add a new member to your team without consulting me.”

As so often occurred when he was being reamed out (heh) by Caldwell, Sheppard was torn between conflicting urges – to laugh in the Colonel’s face, or stick his tongue down the man’s throat. He decided to throw him a curve ball.

“Did anyone ever tell you that you’re sort of sexy when you’re angry?”

“What? No – and that’s completely outside the point.” _Hm, points for not losing much composure._

“Look, Weir approved it, and last I heard you were not the boss of me.”

“How mature of you. This is a military decision, and I have final jurisdiction over military matters on this base.”

“Uh-huh, whatever. Dex actually is miltary, you know.”

“Alien military, you mean.”

“He held the rank of a specialist, whatever that means. He’s a really good fighter, and he takes orders well.”

“Given your own complete lack of the last ability, I highly doubt your competence to judge in that arena.”

“I would expect no less of you, sir – why don’t you spend a little time with the guy and see just how he fits in with your... chain of command.”

“Maybe I will.”

“Okay, then. You let me know if he gets your approval. I won’t take him on any more missions until I hear from you.”

Caldwell gave him a suspicious look. Clearly this sudden compliance on Sheppard’s part made him suspect some kind of nefarious plot. John smirked at him just to put the man at ease.

“Smell you later, “ he fired off as a parting shot. Okay, so that was a little third-grade of him. Caldwell rolled his eyes and glared at him over his shoulder as he went into Dex’s training room. John was extremely temped to listen outside the door, but considering how bizarre it would look if he were to get caught, decided against it. He went off whistling happily to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Since he had decided on a plan of action, Rodney had been seeing every man on Atlantis with a new eye. It had to be someone attractive enough to make Sheppard jealous, yet not so attractive as to be way out of his league. And then there was the little matter of finding someone who wasn’t hopelessly straight – like Carson – he and Cadman were now an item.

He’d considered Zelenka several times, rejected him because he was actually one of Rodney’s few friends, and something like this would almost certainly have a weird effect on their friendship. Yet Radek was one of the few men that he could actually imagine making a move on. Rodney wasn’t sure about his orientation – he’d never evinced any interest in any of the women on the base, and a few times when he and Rodney had been alone in the lab, late at night, there’d been a little … something in the air between them. It had crossed his mind once or twice in the past that Radek might have some kind of attraction towards him, but he always dismissed it – he valued the man’s friendship too much – plus, Zelenka really wasn’t his type. Wisecracking flyboys that looked like models but were secretly math geeks, on the other hand… But realistically speaking, who else was there? He sighed and sat down at his usual table in the cafeteria. Slumping over his food, he began eating almost half-heartedly (for him, at any rate – only someone who knew him would have been able to tell the difference). Then suddenly he sat bolt upright and stared into space as he was hit with an epiphany. What about that botanist guy, what was his name again, Parrish? _If that guy isn’t gay, I’ll eat my hat_. Not that he even owned a hat other than for sun protection, of course. _Just an expression!_ Anxious to begin the experiment, he scanned the cafeteria for the man.

Without warning, his view was rudely blocked by a body – who…

“Oh, hi, Radek, how are you, sit down,” Rodney rattled off in one breath. Zelenka came around the table to sit next to him.

“Fine, thanks,” said he, looking askance at Rodney.

“What’s that? Oh, good.”

“You seem a bit distracted,” Zelenka remarked not-quite-idly. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, nothing – I’m just looking for someone.”

He thought he saw the man over by the food line but – there was someone **else** in the way now.

“Would you PLEASE move!”

“That’s not a very nice way to say hello, Rodney,” he looked up and it was Sheppard, looking reproachful and slightly hurt.

“Oh, Colonel, sorry about that – I was just…”

“Looking for someone – I heard. I take it you weren’t looking for me, then.” _Oh my god, is he pouting? This is even better than I expected!_

Sheppard sat down across from Rodney, who promptly stood up and began waving frantically at someone across the dining hall.

That new guy, the botanist, came hesitantly over to the table. McKay patted the seat next to him in a manner than made Sheppard wonder if Cadman hadn’t taken over his body again, just for the hell of it. He was sporting a huge and somewhat maniacal-looking grin.

“Oh, hi, Doctor, I saved a seat for you,” Rodney babbled, sounding for all the world like a fifth grade girl with an enormous crush. Sheppard and Zelenka exchanged looks.

The botanist sat down and smiled shyly.

“_So_, how are _you_, how’s the work going, discovered any interesting plants lately?” Rodney kept on going, not allowing the doctor to get a word in edgewise. Finally McKay paused to breathe and Parrish said, “Yes, everything is going very well indeed. In fact, we found a fascinating new plant just last week on P3M-736."

“_Really_? That’s _so_ interesting. I’d love to hear all about it.”

McKay’s face was flushed cherry red and his eyes were huge and glittering. He looked more than ever like one of the Campbell’s soup kids. He grinned crookedly in what was meant to be a lecherous fashion but instead came off more than a little deranged.

“Well, _I_ killed an interesting species of – “

“Yes, yes, I’m sure it was very Neanderthal _Colonel_, we’re all listening with baited breath,” Rodney snapped bitchily, then turned back to Parrish.

“So. What are you doing for dinner tomorrow? Do you want to get together to have a bite to eat?”

A frightened glance greeted this bizarre invitation. Sheppard – who was definitely jealous, observed the jubilant McKay with satisfaction – said peevishly, “Oh, with Rodney it will be more than a bite, I can tell you.”

Zelenka was looking back and forth between Rodney and Sheppard as if a dawning realization was coming over him of the most unpleasant kind. His face was more than a little hurt as well, which Rodney noted with no small amount of guilt. _So I wasn’t imagining things. Poor Radek._

Parrish was now looking like he regretted ever sitting down at this table of jealous queens, but being the cultured British sort, endeavored to make some kind of polite response to the original invitation. (Which, it had not escaped him, was phrased awfully like a date.)

“Er, tomorrow? Sure, I can do tomorrow. What time?”

“What? Oh, around eight-ish. How’s that?” McKay was brought back to Earth from his giddy power trip of making Sheppard squirm. His plan was working!

“That’s fine with me.”

“Great, great, I’ll stop by your quarters, then. (pause) Uh, where do you live?”

Parrish by now looked extremely embarrassed at this extremely public show of date-making. Sheppard, for this part, was disgusted yet fascinated (much the same way as he had reacted when Cadman-in-Rodney had kissed Carson). Zelenka looked disappointed, and Rodney was thoroughly triumphant.

“Er, Brown 25.”

“OK great, I’ll see you then.”


	5. Chapter 5

Ronon had tried to listen to what Sheppard and Caldwell were saying, but to no avail - the Ancestors' construction was sound and the walls and door were completely soundproof. But he thought he knew what was passing between them. Caldwell was asserting his right to test Ronon himself, because Sheppard had not asked him, his direct military superior, before extending the invitation to Ronon. Weir didn't have the authority to approve Ronon's initiation into this squad - that was obvious. Not because she was a woman (although that might have had a little bit to do with it) but because she wasn't military.

He knew Sheppard's type. Always went against the will of those above him. Hated giving orders because he secretly wanted to be broken by a kind Task Master. Got away with it because in this world civilian women were allowed to run outposts such as this one, filled with Ancestor technology.

Ronon remembered what had happened on the last mission and felt ashamed. He hadn't meant to betray himself like that. Obviously things weren't the same here as on Sateda. He knew better, but with the familiar feeling of the collar around his neck, being restrained in one of the most advanced positions (that he was ranked to know about, anyway), his well-trained response took over. Thank the gods that he had at least managed to conceal the evidence of his arousal.

He heard a noise at the door. Without looking over he could tell that it was the man Caldwell, and sped up the pace of his stick maneuvers.

Caldwell entered the room and studied him appraisingly. Ronon wondered if he would be the one to command him the way he needed it to be done.

"You - Dex - come here."

Instantly Ronon stopped in mid-maneuver, put the stick down on the ground and went to stand in front of him. Caldwell looked him up and down. Ronon wished he had removed his shirt before beginning to practice, then chided himself for vanity.

"Ronon Dex, Specialist - name and rank, sir."

"What rank is a specialist?

"It's as high as you can get without commanding others, sir."

Caldwell nodded and squinted a little in an effort to look less friendly. It didn't work. "We would call that a Lieutenant."

Ronon frowned. "Not like Sheppard."

"No, he's a Lieutenant-_Colonel_. I'm a Colonel. There are a lot of ranks - it was probably similar on your world."

"Yes." After a moment he added, "Sir."

Caldwell almost smiled. "I see you know how to use those sticks - what about other weapons?"

"I am familiar with different types of guns - and Sheppard showed me your weapons - knives, and many others. Sir."

"Hmph. Good." Caldwell - the Colonel - continued to stare at him without saying anything further. Ronon waited. Finally, Caldwell seemed to come to a decision.

"Come with me."

"Yes sir."

He led the way, out of the training area, into what looked like the military's living quarter section of the base. Ronon had never been to this particular area - the one where he stayed was in a different part, presumably where "guests" were kept. Teyla's quarters had been in a third part, and who knew where the others lived.

They arrived at a nondescript door. Two guards were posted outside - Caldwell dismissed them with a jerk of his head. They exchanged glances and left.

Caldwell palmed open the door and walked inside. Ronon followed without saying a word.

* * * * * *

  
Sheppard was _furious_. How dare McKay make a date with that stuck-up _botanist_ right in front of him?

_You don't have any claim on Rodney._ Only in his head, and in a supreme bit of injustice, apparently that meant nothing. But...

Wait a minute. _Why_ was Rodney suddenly so interested in that guy - Parrish, his name was? He had never so much as acknowledged the other scientist's presence before. Come to think of it, McKay had been pouting like a jealous baby ever since... Dex had arrived. _Maybe he noticed the way you were looking at Ronon._ That was preposterous. Dex was just eye candy, he didn't want to have a relationship with the boy... _the way you do with Rodney_.

And there he was faced with the truth. _He's an arrogant, prickly, insufferable know-it-all with the social skills of a ten year old! Actually, I've met ten year olds with better social skills!_ But the thought of McKay kissing another man made John feel sick with jealousy. That thing with Carson hadn't meant anything, it was Cadman driving - but for a minute he'd thought it was real, and it hurt.

_Goddamn it. When did I get so attached to the guy?_ He remembered Rodney's goofy-sounding giggle at some teasing remark he'd made, and the look in his eyes when John outed himself as a math geek, and suddenly he couldn't bear it anymore. He changed course in mid-stride and made for Rodney's room.

* * * * * *

  
Meanwhile, in the lab, McKay and Zelenka were trying to get some work done. It was a little difficult, what with the tension in the air being thick enough to cut with a knife. And it wasn't the fun kind of sexual tension either, it was the horrible emotional tension of things neither wanted to say but couldn't be ignored for much longer.

Rodney had no idea how to handle this at all. He did feel bad about hurting Radek's feelings, but what could he say, "Sorry, I had no idea you had a major crush on me until I flirted with another man in the process of trying to make Sheppard jealous?" Zelenka for his part was cool with him and reserved. He looked at Rodney from behind the twin shields of his glasses with disappointment and resignation, but said nothing. They tried to avoid talking at all, but that just made it worse. Finally Rodney couldn't stand it anymore.

"God, Radek, what do you want me to say?!"

Zelenka gave him a disgusted look. "It's your life, Rodney. You can throw yourself away on anyone you want. I'm just sorry I had to witness it."

McKay flushed brick-red and fell silent. He had no comeback to that. He felt more than a little foolish, and wished that something dramatic would happen to rescue him from this predicament.

* * * * * *

  
Sheppard was really worried now. Rodney wasn't in his room - and not in the cafeteria either. That meant one thing - he was probably in the lab. What if it was too late? He could be making out with Parrish right now! Or what if Zelenka had finally mustered the courage to make a move? This was very bad. He hurried his pace. He was passing by Elizabeth's office, and as usual she was looking for him. "Hey, no time to talk now, I'll catch you later," he called out to her, feeling guilty as usual. "Okay," she replied. _You deserve better - sorry Lizzie_, he thought helplessly at her, as if she could read his mind.

Finally he was getting close to the lab. He slowed down a tiny bit to strain his ears for some kind of suspicious sounds. _Like what, moans of passion?_ He heard Zelenka saying something in a very cutting tone. Good, at least they weren't clutched in a furious embrace or some other bodice-ripping cliche.

He thought the doors open with such force that they practically flew apart, making a loud _whoosh_. Both men looked up in surprise. Rodney was red-faced and sulking - but when he saw John his jaw fell open wide enough to catch flies. Zelenka appeared to be simultaneously hurt, enraged and depressed - and when he saw John he merely rolled his eyes and said, "Go ahead - take him, he's no use to me right now anyway." John did Radek the courtesy of pretending he was talking about work (actually, he probably was), grabbed Rodney's hand (ignoring the way his heart sang out at the touch) and dragged him out into the hall. Then he flung the doors closed behind them.

Rodney stared at him in astonishment and some alarm. "What the hell's the matter with you?" were the first words out of his mouth.

"Shut up, Rodney." And against all the warnings his brain was giving out about the inadvisability of taking risks, the clear and present danger of getting rejected and the many ensuing humiliations that surely awaited him, John leaned forward, closed his eyes and kissed Rodney. Just the once, and not too aggressively, not even any tongue, but right on the mouth, with an unmistakably seductive intent.

Then he opened his eyes. Rodney's own eyes were huge and luminous, like a frog's. He gulped, increasing the resemblance. "What- what was that for?" the voice was so soft, it was hardly recognizable.

"For being silly." Suddenly John couldn't stop smiling.

Rodney said nothing, but gave him the most adorable look of half-confusion, half-fear, as if he thought this was some kind of frat-boy prank. But behind it was a tentative glimmer of hope, that maybe it was really happening.

"You didn't have to pull that stunt of asking Parrish out - don't you know that I could never be seriously interested in Ronon?"

"How would I know that?"

"Because you're the only man on this base that means anything to me. Hell, in the whole Pegasus galaxy."

Rodney blushed again - _God, he's like a schoolgirl!_ \- but he was starting to smile. His mouth quirked and he glanced shyly around the hallway. "Do you think we could talk about this somewhere a little less...public?"

"Oh, all right, if your modesty insists."

A high-pitched giggle greeted this riposte.

"Not to sound too cliched, but - your place or mine?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ingredients: This chapter contains approximately 85% smut, 10% sap, and 5% plot. I now see this story as taking place between _Condemned_ and _Trinity_ and sort of explaining the ridiculous giggly new-lover behavior of McShep in the latter ep.

A few moments later, they were taking a shortcut through some little-used barracks quarters when they heard a loud crack, like a whip, outside of one particular door. They exchanged glances and John had to cover Rodney's mouth to prevent a volley of nervous giggling from betraying their position.

"What was that?" Rodney whispered from around John's hand.

"Can't you guess?"

"Really?" his eyes grew large again.

"Hold on, let me try something. If it doesn't work, be prepared to run for it." He concentrated on making the door transparent – _but one way! Like a one-way mirror!_ he thought frantically. _I want to see in but I don't want whoever's in there to see out._ After what seemed like an eternity, a round spot in the center of the door became misty, then cleared to reveal Caldwell and Dex in a classic S&amp;M tableau. Dex knelt on the floor, eyes downcast. He was naked except for a black leather collar and handcuffs. Caldwell towered over him, whip in hand. He was fully dressed.

John was rock hard in .01 milliseconds at the sight. Rodney couldn't help but feel his reaction, given that John was pressed up against him in an effort to keep him quiet. He gave John a suspicious look and immediately started trying to wriggle out from his grasp. The motion didn't help John's condition any. He quickly opaqued the door again and whispered in Rodney's ear, "Don't get mad – I'll explain. Let's just get out of here before we get busted, okay?" Rodney grudgingly nodded, John released his mouth, Rodney predictably sucked in a big breath to start complaining, but John grabbed his hand and hauled ass away from the area before he had a chance to let it loose.

Fully aware of how absurd they looked, Sheppard thanked god or whoever that there was an elevator at the end of the hall that led more or less directly to his room. He managed to _whoosh_ the door open, get Rodney inside and _whoosh_ it closed again before the volcano blew.

"What is the matter with you? That was weird and wrong and not at all who or what I was expecting and here you are making moves on me and then you go and get all hot and bothered by their bizarre military kinks – I don't know why I ever agreed to come back here in the first place –"

He fell upon Rodney and stopped the stream of babble with his mouth. At first he tried to say just how much he wanted to fuck Rodney with a single kiss. But then he remembered how susceptible Rodney was to reverse psychology and drew back almost imperceptibly, and the shy, nervous Rodney of just a few minutes ago suddenly became ardent, wild – his slippery little tongue eeled its way inside John's mouth and all at once it wasn't John who was kissing Rodney or two beings joined at the mouth but one entity and he couldn't tell where John left off and Rodney began, and someone sucked on the other's tongue until someone moaned and John didn't recognize his own voice.

They broke off, panting and stared at each other for an endless moment until Rodney said wideeyed "Did you mean it, before?” John could barely remember his own name but he knew the answer was Yes, yes to anything Rodney asked him if it would allow that to happen again.

"Yes. Rodney, I do want to be with you, very much."

"Then why do you get turned on by Ronon so much?"

How to explain it without hurting his feelings?

"Come over here, let's sit on the bed."

Rodney looked suspicious.

"C'mon, I'm not trying to trick you, I just want to get… comfortable."

He sat on the bed and patted the coverlet next to him invitingly. Rodney reluctantly came over. John stared into his eyes for a long moment, then lay backwards on the bed. Rodney looked at him with some alarm, but eventually consented to lower himself as well.

John put his arm around Rodney's chest, and snuggled up to him.

"Okay. Have you ever watched any gay porn? Or read any porno magazines?"

Rodney flushed for what had to be the fifth time in the last hour. "Yeah," he admitted in a low voice. John started petting his stomach gently.

"Well, you didn't want to go out and have sex with those guys, did you?"

"No – but I didn't _know_ them, either."

John ignored that as the irrelevancy it was. "Well, it's kind of like that – there are guys that you can find sexy and like to look at them but that doesn't mean you want to have sex with them – and certainly not have a relationship with them."

Rodney was quiet for a minute.

"He is pretty good-looking. I like his hair.”

"See? It's okay to admit that. I'm not threatened." John was burning up with jealousy at hearing that but to reinforce the lesson had to keep it in.

"Does that mean.. you want to have a relationship with me?"

"Yeah.. if you want to."

Rodney closed his eyes and a tiny smile crept over his features. Then he opened them and turned his head to look at John. "I've wanted nothing else since the day we met."

John couldn't keep the shit-eating grin off his face. Then Rodney leaned over and started kissing him again, and he fell into the endless sweetness of it, on and on and tangling tongues until time went away and he woke as if from a dream to Rodney's hand down his shirt and he was unbuttoning slowly, deliberately and he saw his own hand disembodied moving to unbuckle Rodney's pants. Then Rodney drew away for a second, his mouth quirked and he said, "This is ridiculous" and took off his own shirt and quickly scrambled out of his pants. Then he came over shy again as John knew he would, and wearing only his adorable blue cotton boxers, got under the covers, pulled them up to his armpits and sat there looking at John like a virgin spinster expecting her long-overdue deflowering. John felt laughter bubbling up inside him and to forestall it leaned over and gave him a kiss, lingering, sensual, drawing noises out of Rodney he'd never heard before from anyone, male or female. Then he sat back and took off his own shirt. He kept eye contact with Rodney as he stood up and slowly eased his pants down over hips so narrow that he didn't even need to unbutton them. This exposed a raging erection tenting his own boxers. Rodney looked at it almost in awe.

"Rodney?"

"Yeah." His eyes didn't move, fascinated.

"You have been with a man before, right?"

Now he looked at John, the shadow of worry crossing his features.

"Um, not really, not in real life anyway outside my imagination – is that okay?"

"Everything about you is okay with me. I was just curious, that's all."

"Oh, good."

John came over to the bed, slowly, letting Rodney get used to the prospect. He didn't want to frighten the guy. No wonder he was so confused and weirded out by everything, he wasn't even close to being out of the closet. He couldn't help but find it endearing – but then again everything about Rodney was endearing to him right now.

"Can I touch it?"

"I'd like that very much."

Rodney put out his hand and pulled John's dick out through the hole in his boxers. John tried not to moan loudly at his touch, but didn't quite succeed. Rodney closed his hand around the base of John's cock and gently fondled it, experimentally, stroking lightly in a way that made John squirm with pleasure. John closed his eyes, he couldn't help it, and then gasped when a slick wet mouth enclosed the head, so hot and so right.

"Oh Rodney, that feels so good, God, I love it," he groaned.

Rodney was sucking him harder now, and taking him in deeper, and it felt amazing.

"I can't believe you've never done this before – you’re a natural!"

Rodney laughed around a mouthful of cock and it was incredibly erotic. John opened his eyes and watched him, smiling, and suddenly he felt himself close to the edge. It had been so long since anyone except him had touched his dick, let alone sucked it like a pro.

"Rodney, oh, God, I’m about to come, do you want to.."

Rodney looked up at him with a wicked look in his eye and said, "I want you to – I want to take all of it" and hearing him say that put John over the edge and he came endlessly into Rodney's sexy little mouth, spasming and groaning and thoroughly undone, and Rodney swallowed it and licked the tip of his dick at just the right time to set off another round of spasms and finally it ebbed and John collapsed onto the bed panting and spent, Rodney beside him with a happy smile on his face.

"Mmmm, Rodney. I can't talk right now, that was so good."

"That's okay, we can just lie here."

For a long minute John couldn't even muster the energy to say anything else.

"But what about you?"

"I'm sure you'll make up for it, once you recover.”

* * * * * *

  
Ronon was in heaven. Caldwell had him on his knees, licking his boots. He had been restrained in a most respectable and enjoyable way, and he loved the way the Colonel spoke to him, stern and gruff, it was too sexy.

He dared to raise his eyes, wanting to watch his new Master as he planned what the next task would be.

"Eyes down, soldier!"

Wordless acquiescence was best, he had learned. Unless they wanted you to talk – some did. But if they did, they would always let you know. One thing good Masters were not was ambiguous! He watched out of the corner of his eye.

Caldwell stared at him and licked his lips. Then he undid his belt buckle. Dex felt himself swelling even more in anticipation.

"Open my fly – with your mouth only." He did not explain the word 'fly' - but it was fairly self-explanatory.

"Yes, sir."

"Be careful! I don't want to have to explain any accidents to Carson.”

"Yes sir."

He slowly reached up and grasped the zipper with his teeth. He tried to keep his eyes down but they rose up of their own accord as if lighter than air. He saw Caldwell watching him with such deep hunger it made his heart light with joy. Finally he managed to get the pants undone, and a huge stiff cock came spilling out. This also made him feel exceedingly happy, as if he finally knew his place in this strange new world.

Caldwell smiled despite himself, as if he too was pleased with the initiation.

"You take orders very well, Dex."

"Thank you sir."

"You know what I want you to do next."

"Yes sir."

"At ease, soldier. At ease."


End file.
